Repost Chicken

Original post on, Saturday, June 26, 2010

Chicken

Why am I so....self destructive? Why do I keep doing things that I know hurt? Why do I have such a hard time doing the things I know I need to do?

I put off surgery for almost 4 years and I hope it is the right choice now. I have an appointment next month. Let’s see if he also thinks that I need to have surgery. My foot is starting to go numb and my hand is hurting most of the time now. Everyone else that I know that has had the surgery says they should have done it sooner. Will I feel the same? I really hope it relieves this constant irritation in my arm & hand that I have put up with. I really hope it gets rid of the numbness in my foot! That is messing with my balance. I have never been graceful & that is not helping! I wonder. Have I just been chicken? Probably so.

Maybe I need to consider this as self improvement. I will have to get over some more of my vanity about having another scar.

I do have to drive to south Tulsa. I really hate going to south Tulsa. Let’s see. One trip to the surgeon, he will make me go get another MRI, that will be another trip to south Tulsa, then back to the surgeon for a 3rd trip to that awful side of town. Then of course the hospital is in south Tulsa. Then I will have to do follow up with the surgeon, so back to south Tulsa.

I am really going to have to work on not getting grumpy about going. Can yall tell I don’t like going to south Tulsa? That maybe the biggest reason that I have put this off. If it could be done in one trip...... Not my luck.

I haven’t even whined about what they will do in the surgery. Not looking forward to that either. It has just been easier to put up with the pain so far. Stupid numb foot! IF ONLY! WHAAA!

I will keep the appointment. I will go to BFE for the MRI. I will get this done and over with. I really hope it is worth it.