Death's comfort

I have been playing around in family history again. 
The Boyd side is Scottish and I was able to trace it back to 1751 from a family member born in Virginia.
Tonight I have been tracing the Clark side of the family and I have traced it to a family member also born in Virginia, he was born in 1763.  Family history says that the Clarks are English.  I have not been able to confirm that yet.  But I am pleased to see that parts of the family go back prior to the Revolution.  Burgess Clark was supposed to have been a Revolutionary war vet.  I found where he had applied for his pension and land but he died before it was granted.  His widow then applied for it after his death, but she also died before it was granted.  I don't know what happened to his application after that.  I don't know if his children were eligible for anything. 
I did find where the family moved on to White Co. Tennessee and that 2 generations later another family member was in a war.  The civil war this time.  Daruis Clark was a member of Company G, 16th Tennessee infantry with the rank of Sgt.  There is supposed to be a transcribed copy of his diary in the Tennessee State Library and Archives.  Here is the link to the page that I found this information.  http://www.tn.gov/tsla/history/bibliographies/bibwhite.htm

Making a simple statement like, "I would love to read it." is such a huge understatement! 

There is an online site that is called findagrave.com that I have used several times in the last few years looking up family info.  Here is a picture of Sgt Clark's burial place that I found on that site.  The cemetery is small and only lists 23 souls interred there. 

There are other family members buried here.  Darius' wife and one of his adult sons.  This son also served in the civil war and survived it. 
All of this was available by clicking on connections that other distant family members have posted. So there is a possibility of some errors on the info, but it personalizes the history to think of my 2nd Great Grandfather only being 5 years old when the Civil war broke out. I can only imagine all the ways this huge event effected his young life.  He was one of the youngest children in the family.  The history I found showed that there were 25 years between the oldest child and the youngest.  I could get started on a whole different line on this story talking about that! 

 How does a family forget this? I understand that once the last family member that knew the person passes that the connection is gone.  That is sad.  These people are my family, they had dreams, hopes, and enough heartbreak to leave a mark on any family.  What surprised me is that my Great Great Grandparents are buried in the cemetery right by Gram's house and nobody remembered that they were buried there. 

Here is a lesson for you.  Live well, love your best, share all of yourself, and pass on as many things to your family that you can.  There will come a day that you have been in the ground so long that those you gave life to will no longer think of you.  They will forget your name.  They will not speak of you.  They will not know your heart, your joys or sorrows.  The will not remember how bravely you faced each day.  We and all that we hold dear will pass in to a dark emptiness in this world. 

For those that believe in the Lord there is the faith, that all that he gathers up will be there together again at his side.  Death's comfort.

Out back

For the lack of anything better to do tonight I took the camera out to the backyard and looked to see what I could find.  Of course the dog went with me. It is her yard after all. 

First thing I found was this dandelion.

After getting just one photo of it Shy ran right over it and splattered the seeds everywhere. 

There is some honeysuckle on the back fence in full bloom

I keep meaning to pull the rest of it off but I never seem to find enough time to get the job completely finished.  At one time it covered the whole fence and was several feet thick.  It smells nice but it is so invasive that it takes over and smothers other plants.  It did give me something to photograph. 

There are vines shooting off every which direction looking to grab on.

I had to stop and play ball with the dog for a few.  She kept throwing her ball at me or standing in front of what I was trying to take a picture of.  Tail wagging of course and knocking into everything.  That is what Shepard tails are good for. 

The light was fading fast and there was only enough for a few more photos.

This one is kinda dark but I like how it was back lit.

I knocked these leaves off by accident while throwing Shy's ball.  As I was headed inside I noticed that the green seemed to glow in the last of the light. 

It didn't even occur to me to take my tri-pod out with me.  It would have come in handy while trying to snap these in the lower light.   

Maybe next time.

Back out at Woodward Park

Last weekend I took some photos of a very sweet little boy.  It wasn't easy to get any smiles out of him.  He did make some great faces!  I love his chubby little legs.  He has great blue eyes and the softest blond hair.  He did give up some big smiles, finally, when he was on his Mommy's lap. 

I think that there are several that his Mommy & Daddy will like.  A few should make them laugh too.  He has a very expressive little face.  The free software that I use to edit most of my pictures changed recently but I am still able to edit the black & white and leave the eyes in color.  It is a simple edit but it looks so nice with pretty blue eyes.

I can't think of a better way to spend a weekend afternoon.  In the park, the sun shining, friends and family with me AND a cute little boy to take pictures of. 

Em-Path-Y

em-pa-thy

  [em-puh-thee]
noun
1.  The intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thought, or attitudes of another.
2.  The imaginative ascribing to an object, as a natural object or work of art, feelings or attitudes present in oneself: By means of empathy, a great painting becomes a mirror of the self.

The meaning and implementation of this word have a big impact on my life. 
The definition under the number 1 can be so over used in regards to my job.  If I empathize with the person at my window that means I feel and share their pain.  Lots of people stand at my window.  I do not empathize with all of them.  Thank goodness! Maybe that is hard or mean spirited of me.  If I felt empathy for every person that was arrested or filed a report my job would wear me out in a very short time.  (See the heebie jebbies posts for a good example.) So if you do something stupid, and get caught, and it causes you problems, I probably don't empathize with you.  That does not mean I won't be courteous or helpful.  Just that I don't care to share your pain.  If you or someone you love has been injured or killed by.....say a drunk driver, then you have my full empathy.  It bothers me.  The more true victims there are, the more I have to empathize with.  This can be painful.  It wears on me.  This is where a dark sense of humor helps.  I find ways to laugh at human misery.  It does not mean I do not share the pain.  It means I have shared too much. 

The definition under the number 2 can be a major factor in releasing (or causing) stress.  What kind of "painting" can I create that would mirror myself that would cause others to feel empathy?  Is this part of the desire to create that often leaves me feeling frustrated?  The attempt to capture an emotion that will cause others or myself, to feel something?   I try to enjoy the simplest beauty I see around me.  Stopping and recognizing little things and taking pleasure from them makes me feel better about myself and my day.  I find things in nature please my eye and I find myself trying to "frame" a picture of it in my mind.  When the sky is beautiful I think of places to go to capture it best.  Of course flowers capture my attention.  Faces can be interesting to photograph but I haven't had much chance to get creative.  My inexperience and the lack of a willing model has left me with few chances to experiment.  What does it say about me when I share "these things".  What, if anything, does this have to do with my feeble attempts to put my thoughts down in words?  Is it looking for empathy, or looking to cause empathy in others?  Maybe some of both?  I am not comfortable with the thought that I would be looking for empathy.  Why?  What bad could come from someone feeling empathy for something I share? Simple answers might be correct but I might need to poke this with a stick a little bit longer and see what "little monster" shows up.

Wildflowers and wind

I had Friday off and after getting the grocery shopping done I decided to reward myself and head over to an area that I have wanted to explore.  There is a large field behind one of the large shopping centers.  It probably won't be a field much longer.  It is already surrounded by the shopping center and a hospital on opposite sides and a neighborhood of houses and the highway on the other two sides. 

There is a road behind the shopping center that allows you to have access to the hospital from the back.  I take this road on the way to the Orthodontist and every time I see a flower I want to stop and take pictures.  It didn't take long to find flowers to snap pictures of yesterday.

There were clumps of these little beauties all over the place.

The sky was completely covered in clouds and of course the wind was trying to blow every thing away.  It often took several shots to get any close ups.  I would have the shot all framed and in focus and the wind would blow the flower clean out of the shot.  One of these days I will get to take pictures without the wind.  I won't have any excuses for the lack of focus or sharpness then. 

 So many of the flowers were on long slender stalks that the wind was really whipping around! 

It was almost too cool to walk around in the wind with just a t-shirt on but I was not going to head back to the house until I checked some of the area out.  I was dragging along my tripod in hopes of getting things in better focus.  I don't know if that helped or not!  But I did enjoy my walk and seeing things that I enjoyed taking pictures of. 

Thanks to my friend who inspired me to get out this week and look for some new wildflowers.  I always enjoy walking in an new area.  There was a huge area of this field that I did not get to cover.  Maybe I will get a chance to go back before they build over it.  What would really be nice is if they made a park out of it.  People from the hospital and the neighborhood would be able to see it and it would make a nice buffer between them and the commercial area.  The birds love it and I often see Scissor Tails from the roadway.  This trip I didn't but the Robin did stop and pose for me a few times. 

Did you?

Did you ever get lost in the rain

Close you eyes to listen to each drop

Watch to see where it all drains

Did you ever try to follow it's path

Try to guess where it would go

Stand in the wind as it would blow past

Did you ever notice while breathing it all in

The creating of life or washing it clean

How it mingles with everything where it has been

Smelling the roses

I was going take pictures of a cute little boy today.  But the weather kept threatening to blow up so we rescheduled it for next weekend.  Since we were already in town, we picked up the youngest daughter and took her with us to the Tulsa Rose Garden.  Not sure if I have mentioned this before or not, but..... I like taking pictures of flowers.  It was difficult to get the pictures in focus today with the wind blowing so hard.  The smell of roses was thick even with all the wind and the sun did peak out from the clouds a few times.

Keep in mind Tulsa has been hit with strong thunderstorms the past two days so the flowers were a bit beat up.

Here are a few of my favorites.

I fell down while walking down some stairs.  I think it embarrassed the family more than it did me.  I don't know if that means I am finally getting used to being a klutz OR if I just don't care any more.

The walk was uneven just enough that when I put my right foot down my ankle gave out.  Thank goodness it was the bottom step that I tripped on so I didn't have too far to fall.  I did NOT drop my camera.  I kept a tight grip on that baby with both hands.  My knees are a bit sore since I couldn't catch myself and hold the camera.  The ankle is a bit sore too.  So far there are not any bruises or limping.  I do have some scratches on my arm.  I don't know where they came from?  Maybe I brushed up against some of the thorns?

Huh! I guess I am still lacking grace.  Yes, I know that one of the photos I posted was not of a rose, it was a clematis.  Clematis flowers have been beautiful this spring!

Lay on your charm

How do you decide to build or hide?

Do you feel the desire

Breathe in and pick a side

Quietly sing it to life.

Can you make your thoughts dance?

Smile when you know they can't see

What would make it worth a chance

Just what do you want to be?

So what is this that you play?

Will it cause any harm

Do you think to make your day

Lay on what passes for your charm.

Do you care if they laugh?

Then throw it all away

If it doesn't matter

Who will you let have a say?

Undo the things done.

 I am reluctant to share post like these.  Vulnerable is not a feeling that I like. What will you, the reader, think of my rambling thoughts? How do I share with strangers, friends, or family?  So I usually write it down but leave it unpublished.  Pictures are easier for me to share.  I realize my technical skills are lacking in photography and I will not impress professionals.  I am ok with that.  I am very aware that my writing will also fail to impress professionals.  Thoughts written down are more personal and not just the technical skills are there to be judged. 

For me, joy shared is doubled.  Thoughts and doubts shared......no, not easily. 

That said I will shut up now and get back to the rambling. 


So many ways we are alike, so many ways we are different.
What we hide or what we decide to show the world
Sometimes it is too much, other times we fail to share enough
Chances ruined or missed.

When you sit quietly with your mind unoccupied, what thoughts drift in?
As you close your eyes to sleep, do you feel that spot between real and dream
That place where things not attainable can be found 
Where your heart accepts the impossible and does not break

Do the things you hide from lead you in circles?
Blocking paths you fear to look for
Dreams seeping away unnoticed in the effort
How do you keep the recognition from making you stumble.

Words spoken that touch things unwanted.
Eyes blocked from seeing what they have done
Burdens shared that cannot be carried
Undo the things done.

The ability to live with joy or peace in simplicity.
Excuse no responsibility, face it
Regret placed out front to confront
Accept what cannot be undone.
 

Easter

I have several fond memories of Easter.  Some from my own childhood, more from my children's.  There are only a few years when the belief in magic is magic.  Easter is part of the wonderland of childhood.  Did you all know that the Easter Bunny is a girl?  She is a she.  Promise.  What you don't believe me?  Ask either one of my girls.  They can tell you about the time they saw the Easter Bunny in the girls bathroom at the Zoo's Easter egg hunt.  Fuzzy bunny feet under the bathroom stall door, seen and witnessed by all of us!
I remember believing in magic as a child.  I don't remember when I quit believing in it.  I guess it simply slipped away a little at a time.  Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy are still bright spots of the memory of that magic.  The only other time that I can remember that same feeling is when as a child I stood in front of a huge cross. It hung in the Methodist Church that my family belonged to.  I remember feeling very small and vulnerable while tilting my head back to look up at it.  It filled me with a feeling of awe and wonder.
I have glimpses of the magic now when I watch Mr. Man.  He is a wonderful child.  Strong willed, stubborn, sweet, affectionate, and always busy trying to figure things out.
 

He loves to dance. 

He likes Elmo and he loves to play outside. 

And he isn't sick of me taking pictures of him. 

Yet

I do like to take pictures of him. 

He was so handsome in his vest and tie on Easter. 

He enjoyed doing his Easter egg hunt.  He loved shaking the eggs and hearing them rattle.  He wasn't as worried about putting them in his basket.  If he found another one he would drop the one in his hand to pick it up. 

He is changing and growing so fast. This time he told me "love you" in the sweetest little voice. I think when you love a child your heart grows. It has to, because just when I think I couldn't love him any more I find myself falling a little harder.

Here are a few more pictures of this little man. He makes the funniest faces when he is trying to figure things out.

I love watching him with his Mommy and Daddy.  They are just the cutest family.  A whole world ahead of them yet to figure out and to live together.

Ugghhhh!!

It is so hard to say goodbye to them.