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Thursday, August 29, 2013

Vacation at grandma's house

I am so excited!  I have grandson #1 at my house on vacation. 

So far we have played at the splash pad


 played at the park


 played in the back yard


 watched movies and had snacks

 
and toured the Police Station.
This very nice Officer took time away from writing his report to show off his police truck.  :)
 


Since I am the person that bugs the Officers to finish their reports I really appreciate that he took the time. 
It is nap time now.  Then his little cousin is coming over to play.  :)!!!!


 

Friday, August 23, 2013

I believe

It has been awhile since I have taken time to write anything on here.  I still feel off balance from the loss of my Grams.  I have tried writing about her several times but most of it I ended up deleting.  I have not been able to find the words.  I guess, because of the loss I feel, I have been thinking about how good life should be.  She is the person I was always worried about pleasing.  Or better stated, she is the one I was worried about displeasing.  She was a wonderful lady.  She was not perfect.  As an adult I look back now and see things very differently.  Her flaws were part of what made her my Grams.  I watched her try hard to get positive attention or approval.  I remember her giving away many of the things she made to anybody that would have them.  It seems she was almost desperately seeking some type of positive response from them.  Maybe it was a since of self worth she was looking for.  The last days of her life she asked me several times.  "Do you love me?"  "Was I a good grandmother?"
I answered her each time she asked the same way.
 
I love you more than anything Grams.
 
You were the best grandmother I could of ever had. 

I cry every time I try to write about her.  She wouldn't like that.  She didn't like crying.  (Sorry Grams I can't seem to help but cry when I try to put my feelings about you down in words.)  Grams loved her family and I believe she left her mark on each of us.  I believe I am a stronger person because of her.  She was the "center" of all good things from my childhood.  She made a strong impression on many of the things I believe. 

So here I am thinking of her, crying and trying no to.  Thinking of the things I feel I believe in because of her.

I believe it is the small simple things that make life sweet.  There are big wonderful moments that make such a huge impression that they are never forgotten.  Those moments don't happen everyday, week or even every year.  I am glad they don't.  Big events often include big changes and those often leave you worn out. 

Simple things can make such a difference.  If you take the time to notice.
A smile given truly.  A nice breeze when you are too warm. The unexpected thank you.  A simple task to make another's day easier.  Hearing a new song that could have been written from your own heart.  A homemade cookie. 
I don't believe that material things can make you happy.  The most expensive house cannot give or show you love.  It is the people in the house that show you love. 
An expensive diamond cannot make your heart melt.  It is the person that shares it with you that will cause you to melt.  You can not buy love. 
What I remember the most clearly is that Grams spent time with me when I was a child.  Really spent time with me.  I believe that is how you make a connection with a person. 

I believe all of us hide things about ourselves.  The face we show the world is always a mask.  Even for the most honest or simple person this is true.  All of us learn through pain to hide the extremes inside of us.  For some people I believe the mask hides a lot.  For others only a few things.  My Grams had a difficult childhood.  The choices her mother made often left my grandmother a victim.  Even as a kid I recognized the strained relationship she had with her mother as an adult.  Funny thing how it was Grams that great grandma lived close to at the end of her life.  I wonder did she ever acknowledge the pain she caused her daughter?  Did she notice the mask that Grams wore? 

I believe that Grams was a very strong woman.  I also believe she was one of the most vulnerable. 

 

Friday, August 16, 2013

Chew Chew CHEW!

Hi Grandma!  Ya got something I can chew on?

Nom Nom Nom

Grandma I need something to chew on!

Nom Nom

Oh.... what is that?

Hmmm.....

Interesting......

If I turn this way.....

Or if I turn it that way......

I could just possibly....

Chew on it!