Crap!
That was also way....way.....back and a long, long time ago. Back when I only admitted to being 29. For several years. In fact I claimed to only be 29 for so many years my kids quit believing me.
If you are from my old A2 shift you have heard this one. Sorry to repeat a funny.
Again, I will try to set the stage. As a Tulsa Public School employee I only had a 30 min lunch. Most of that time was also spent in the lunch room, on cafeteria duty. At that time I still smoked and after 15 min of my 30 min lunch I finally had a chance to sneak out to the parking lot and smoke a cigarette.
I was so poor back then. (Yes I was poorer because I wasted my money on smokes. Some times it takes me a while to learn lessons. Please do not point out more that I need to learn. My ego is taking a beating from telling this story already!) Like living from pay check to pay check poor and God forbid anything extra come up or it would put me in debt for months! So my car was not fancy. In fact is was reallyyyyy ugly. It was a banana cream yellow 70's model Impala. It ran great. Had a strong motor in it that would plant you back into the seat. But is was sooooo uglyyyyy. Every day at this time I was really ready for a cigarette! I was jogging across the parking lot making a bee line for that banana boat that held the prize for what I was craving. There was a very large box truck parked next to me. If you live in the Tulsa area you have probably seen one of them. It is a large white box truck with the Tulsa Public School symbol on the side of it. I saw them there all the time. It was usually some maintenance man there working on something in our old building. I didn’t pay it any attention.
I should have.
I have never been a girly girl. Always been a tomboy. But there are just some things that I don’t think girls should do in front of others. Ya just don’t. (I have never been able to teach my youngest child this lesson. I tried to but she just wouldn't learn. I wonder where she got that trait from?)
Ok. Stage is set.
So as I was jogging across the parking lot towards the banana cream yacht , I realized that I had to “ do one of those things that girls do not do in front of others”. I had to fart. Now not just as a girl, but as a Elementary School employee you are never allowed to fart in front of the kids. You would lose all control and respect from every young boy that heard it. So I had probably been holding this one in for a while. I must have been because it was not small. Just about the time I got to the back of my car I let “it” loose. It was loud. It was long. It was not a girly fart. My kindergarten boys would have been proud if it had been theirs. “It” was still going as I pulled my keys out. “It” was still going as I tried to unlock my door.
That is when I heard the snicker.
Remember the box truck parked next to my car? The large white box truck?
I should have looked to see if there was anyone in that truck before I let “it” go. There was actually 2 somebodies in the truck. I was horrified. I turned around and the 1st thing that came out of my mouth was “ You did not hear that. I do not even do that in front of my husband. Then I repeated you DID not hear that”. The driver says, with out missing a beat “ Lady I think the people on the next block heard that”. I turned 20 shades of red and RAN back inside. I forgot my cigarette. There was no possible way that I could have stayed out there. NONE! I shared my embarrassment with the cafeteria manager. She got a good laugh out of it too. More than once apparently because after I fled the maintenance men came in and told her about it. They were there to fix something for her.
It was around this time that I came to accept the fact that I was a dork. I had already been one all my life. I just hadn’t accepted it yet.
I just wish accepting it meant that I didn’t embarrass myself any more.
Of course it doesn’t work that way
Here is the fart lady's school employee picture.
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