The 1st one that I will share is when I went to Green Country Christian Academy. Way.... way.... way back and long, long ago. Back when Nike or Converse were THE only shoes that were cool and they only came in a 2 styles. High tops or low tops. That was it. Or that was all I knew about so that is all that counts.
Let me set the “stage” for this story. GCCA was a small private school that I went to from 7th to 10th grade. GO CRUSADERS!! We had Chapel every morning before classes started. We met in the gym and all set on one side of the wooden bleachers. Us OLDER kids always got to set on the top row. That is where you hung out when you were cool. I am not sure why I thought I belonged there. But like most teenagers I knew everything so don’t be too hard on me. Anyway, there was always a few school messages, a short bible lesson, a few songs and of course we opened and closed with a prayer. It was during one of these prayers that my sad story takes place. It is sad because I was a rotten kid and was not paying attention, like I should have been, to our talk with God. Plus I lied about what really happened so I wouldn’t get in trouble. Don’t hate me. I have been honest about how rotten I was. I have changed most of my evil ways. And God still loves me, so there! One more thing and the stage will be set. I had a horrible head cold. That was not a good enough reason to miss school so there I was sitting on the cool top row during chapel prayer.
The stage has been set. Are you still with me?
I had a few boys sitting around me and we were goofing off instead of bowing our heads and praying. We did it often. Most of the time everybody was able to keep a straight face. Sometimes one of us, just one, would lose it and snicker or laugh. Of course we always got in trouble for this. We did not rat the others out. We just took our punishment and went on. On this occasion I blew it! I mean I really blew it. I don’t remember what I thought was so funny but I had my hand over my mouth trying sooooo hard to not laugh. Then it happened. I lost control with my hand over my mouth with a very clogged up nasty nose. Have you guessed it yet? I blew snot EVERYWHERE! Not clear snot, nasty, yellow, head cold snot. My soul still cringes when I think of it. Can you guess what everyone else did that was goofing around? They all roared! Some in disgust and some in laughter. We were all laughing. Well I was laughing and snorting snot. Now because I was sitting on the cool top row everyone, and I mean everyone else quit praying and turned around and looked at me. I can still feel ALL of those eyes on me.. The only person that did not have to turn around was the one leading the prayer. All he had to do was snap his head up and look. He made immediate eye contact with me and I just knew I was in trouble! Of course I jumped up and RAN down the bleachers. Past every other kid and teacher in the school with my hand over my nose trying to desperately contain all that nasty yellow snot. As I got closer to the teacher leading the prayer his eyes got huge. It was Mr. Higgins. I thought for a moment that he was going to laugh at me like everyone else was but he just lowered his head as I ran past. I could hear the roar of laughter all the way down the hall as I ran to the girls restroom. It was loud. I was still laughing because I knew if I quit I would start crying. I do not cry in front of others. I do not cry pretty.
After I cleaned myself up the best I could I had to go back. Back into the gym with all of those people that had laughed at me. There was not a way to sneak back in. I had to walk right down the side lines. (Hello.....gym floor, street shoes.....get it?) So I had to walk right in front of everybody. There were several kids that started giggling the moment they saw me walk back in.
The ONLY thing that I could have done that would have been funnier to the younger boys is fart really loud.
That would have been a whole lot easier to clean up than the snot!
Still thinking I belonged on the top, cool row I went right past everyone and took my original spot. Some of the guys would not look at me. Others couldn’t quit looking and laughing. Mr. Higgins was not impressed. He stopped and asked me if I had anything to say for myself.
He asked me in front of the whole school.
I lied.
I told him that I was trying to hold back a sneeze and accidently blew my nose. That got the whole place roaring again. Mr. Higgins did actually smile. It was just a little smile. Then he just shook it off and went on with Chapel.
That should have been my 1st clue that I was not cool. I should have known I did not belong on the top row. It took a few years but I did finally admit and accept that I was a dork. It’s ok. It is less painful that way. Most of the time.
Here is a photo from around that time frame. If I had worn this shirt, on that day, the color would have matched my snot. On 2nd thought the shirt might be a lighter shade of yellow.......
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