Keep trying

Lots to write about today.  I am not sure where to start?  I guess with last night's new knowledge. 
I am spam. 
I tried to post a copy of yesterday's blog to my Facebook and was blocked.  I was blocked because someone has marked it as spam.  I guess a "friend" is bothered.  If that is so why don't they just delete me?   I agree that there are lots of things that shouldn't be aired or shared on FB.  So I guess someone thought my blog shouldn't be shared.  Their perspective?  I don't know, all I can do is guess.  FB is supposed to be entertainment.  If you are bothered by things why don't you "hide" them or just delete people that get on your nerves?  Even if you are trying to spare someones feelings then you can"hide" them so all of their posts can be ignored.  Yet another example of "I don't like it so I will put a stop to anyone else having to suffer it"?

As long as I live I don't think I will ever completely understand all the negative sides to humans.  What do you gain from vindictiveness? 
I understand and participate in venting.  It can be a way to release stress.  For the most part I don't want the people that I am venting about to hear me either.  I don't like hurting other people's feelings.  I have even done some petty things back when I was younger and wasn't smart enough to think things through.  I have giggled about some of them upon review too.  I shouldn't.  It is ugly behaviour.  I think I just found at least one thing for me to work on this year. 

On to better things.
I have been almost completely released!  I am back on full days at work.  Thank GOD!  I don't have to wear the neck collar on short drives.  I do have to wear the soft one if we go on a long trip, like to Missouri.  I do not have to wear the hard one anymore!  Another Thank GOD!  I can start working on building my strength back up.  I am allowed to lift a 2-3 lbs at a time and can only work with one arm at a time.  This is such good news.  I am worn out with being weak.  I have to admit I am very discouraged that I have to start from that far on the bottom.  But it is measurable forward progress.  Please join me in Another THANK GOD!  Doc said I was healing well.  He also said that my range of motion is great for the stage of healing that I am at and that I do not need to do any physical therapy.  My neck muscles are still very stiff and that causes me to hold my head at a wrong angle.  He said that it is normal and should continue to improve over time.  I do not have to go back for 3 months.  That is most wonderful.  I don't think I am going to miss driving to south Tulsa.  Not even a tiny bit.  Nope. 
I still feel like poo.  My face was flushed all day but still no fever.  The white spots are still there.  It was a challenge to concentrate today when all I wanted to do was go home and crawl in bed.  No rest for this wicked girl.
I did try to do some people watching today while waiting in between my appointments.  The closest and easiest place to wait out my wait was a McDonald's.  I got a cup of caramel coffee and sat back to enjoy it.  An older gentleman started a conversation right off.  He was a retired Podiatrists.  Very friendly and lonely guy.  He talked my ear off for 30 min.  I gave up trying to watch people after a few min and just talked to him for a bit.  I can only imagine how long he spends there each day.  Lord, I dread getting truly old.  Right now I only feel it.  I don't have to live it.  Yet.

Since I was allowed to work a full day today I stopped by the house on the way back from Tulsa and grabbed some stuff for lunch and took it back with me.  I ate it in the squad room and tried to make myself useful for the rest of the day.  Maybe if I try really hard I can get 40 hrs in before the week is over.  I did take a few breaks and look around on facebook some.  I enjoyed the old family photos my cousin posted today.  She had one that stopped me in my tracks.  It was a picture with my previous step sister in it.  I couldn't quit staring at it.  I kept looking at her face and wondering if she was already hiding my father's ugly secret sins.  She is smiling.  But I know that it isn't that hard to smile and hide the pain.  It is much easier to smile than to explain.  She is so young and pretty in the photo. 

As long as I live I will NEVER understand the ugly side(s) of humans.

I think I have shared enough for the day.  My heart hurts.