Undo the things done.

 I am reluctant to share post like these.  Vulnerable is not a feeling that I like. What will you, the reader, think of my rambling thoughts? How do I share with strangers, friends, or family?  So I usually write it down but leave it unpublished.  Pictures are easier for me to share.  I realize my technical skills are lacking in photography and I will not impress professionals.  I am ok with that.  I am very aware that my writing will also fail to impress professionals.  Thoughts written down are more personal and not just the technical skills are there to be judged. 

For me, joy shared is doubled.  Thoughts and doubts shared......no, not easily. 

That said I will shut up now and get back to the rambling. 


So many ways we are alike, so many ways we are different.
What we hide or what we decide to show the world
Sometimes it is too much, other times we fail to share enough
Chances ruined or missed.

When you sit quietly with your mind unoccupied, what thoughts drift in?
As you close your eyes to sleep, do you feel that spot between real and dream
That place where things not attainable can be found 
Where your heart accepts the impossible and does not break

Do the things you hide from lead you in circles?
Blocking paths you fear to look for
Dreams seeping away unnoticed in the effort
How do you keep the recognition from making you stumble.

Words spoken that touch things unwanted.
Eyes blocked from seeing what they have done
Burdens shared that cannot be carried
Undo the things done.

The ability to live with joy or peace in simplicity.
Excuse no responsibility, face it
Regret placed out front to confront
Accept what cannot be undone.
 

Easter

I have several fond memories of Easter.  Some from my own childhood, more from my children's.  There are only a few years when the belief in magic is magic.  Easter is part of the wonderland of childhood.  Did you all know that the Easter Bunny is a girl?  She is a she.  Promise.  What you don't believe me?  Ask either one of my girls.  They can tell you about the time they saw the Easter Bunny in the girls bathroom at the Zoo's Easter egg hunt.  Fuzzy bunny feet under the bathroom stall door, seen and witnessed by all of us!
I remember believing in magic as a child.  I don't remember when I quit believing in it.  I guess it simply slipped away a little at a time.  Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy are still bright spots of the memory of that magic.  The only other time that I can remember that same feeling is when as a child I stood in front of a huge cross. It hung in the Methodist Church that my family belonged to.  I remember feeling very small and vulnerable while tilting my head back to look up at it.  It filled me with a feeling of awe and wonder.
I have glimpses of the magic now when I watch Mr. Man.  He is a wonderful child.  Strong willed, stubborn, sweet, affectionate, and always busy trying to figure things out.
 

He loves to dance. 

He likes Elmo and he loves to play outside. 

And he isn't sick of me taking pictures of him. 

Yet

I do like to take pictures of him. 

He was so handsome in his vest and tie on Easter. 

He enjoyed doing his Easter egg hunt.  He loved shaking the eggs and hearing them rattle.  He wasn't as worried about putting them in his basket.  If he found another one he would drop the one in his hand to pick it up. 

He is changing and growing so fast. This time he told me "love you" in the sweetest little voice. I think when you love a child your heart grows. It has to, because just when I think I couldn't love him any more I find myself falling a little harder.

Here are a few more pictures of this little man. He makes the funniest faces when he is trying to figure things out.

I love watching him with his Mommy and Daddy.  They are just the cutest family.  A whole world ahead of them yet to figure out and to live together.

Ugghhhh!!

It is so hard to say goodbye to them. 

Green

I went for a walk in one of my favorite parks after dinner tonight.  The air was cool and there were several people out on the paths.  Spring has all the trees and grass a beautiful shade of green. 

It has been cloudy all day, perfect walking weather.

I like this little tree.  I took a photo of it a few years ago in the winter when there was a nice shadow laying across the ground in front of it.  Way too many clouds for there to be any shadows today! 

It has grown even with the lack of rain and extremely hot summers we have had.

I found some wild flowers on the back side of the hill.  It was a nice surprise because there weren't any in the area were the truck was parked. When I got to the top and looked down there were pretty little yellow flowers scattered all over the grass.  There were some tiny purple ones too!

I am so very glad that winter is over.  I have high hopes that it won't be as hot and dry this summer.  I put a few veggies out and I hope I don't have to spend a fortune watering them!  I really look forward to the fresh tomatoes. It feels good to get my hands back in the dirt. There is still so much to do but I am taking it slowly.  I don't want to over do it and end back up on the side lines again. After working the last three Fridays I am really looking forward to a longer weekend. 

Flowers and more flowers

I have been occupying myself taking a few pictures of flowers the last few days.  There was a threat of storms yesterday and I was afraid that they would all be knocked flat.  So I took a few pictures outside with the last of the light.

Then I cut a few and came inside to take more pictures.  I like natural light better but at 8:00 pm it is no longer an option.  I figured I would play with some different lighting and see if any surprises happened.

The storms never did show up.  They stayed south causing all kinds of problems.  I do feel for the poor folks in Texas but I am glad my flowers were spared.  So when I came home from work I was able to go back outside and take a few more pictures. 

The yellow Iris is just about all gone from my flower beds.  Purple seems to have taken over.  I don't mind.  I like the purple. 

There were even some little bitsy flowers on one of the shrubs.  So I had to see what I could do with them. 

I need to find a big garden with lots and lots of flowers to pick from. The flower shutter bug seems to have bitten me again.   

Spring's cheer

I don't think I will ever get tired of seeing the earth come back to life each spring.  It came early this year.  These were all taken in the backyard that looks more like a swamp now.   Last week was spring break for the school kids in the area and it rained almost the whole week.  We didn't have any reports, that I saw, of any kids pushing their luck too far and being done in by the parents.  The weekend isn't over yet though. 

I noticed Friday evening that there is a nest being built in the backyard tree.  I stayed busy today and didn't get to see who was doing the building.  That needs to go on Sunday's to do list.

I took this photo the first part of the week looking out the back door.  It was one of the few breaks in the rain.  My neighbors yard has some nice spring color.  I think I need to plant some tulips. 

I will have to clean up some flower beds before I can plant anything.  I was not able to do any yard work last year and there is a mess from my neglect.  I think I might be able to do better this year.  I have cleaned the front flower bed up some so I have already outdone last years efforts! 

Obviously it is Grace

I have typed, deleted, retyped, deleted, typed again only to delete it all in the end.  I have hopes that I can post today. 

I am fighting my attitude.  I fail more often than I succeed.

I find I have little patience for so many things.  I don't want to be grouchy.  I don't like the sour feeling that keeps creeping back no matter what I seem to do.  I am put out with grumpy customers and then I find the chipper ones get on my nerves.  What is wrong with me?  No patience at all.  I feel like I have given away all of something that I can't get back.  Little things that I would normally just shake my head at scrape my nerves raw. 
Here is an example.  I attended some mandatory training today.  That always gets on my nerves, so that isn't anything new.  What bothered me was the arrogance of the presenter.  The nice HR man gave a bit of intro, blah, blah, blah.  More blah, blah, blah.  (I am trying to look like I am not aggravated but it is getting harder the longer he takes)  Then Mr. HR mans reads an intro that was required to be read before start of  the video.  He reads this ridiculously long list of the presenter's accomplishments.  The longer the list gets the more it gets on my nerves.  What an ego.  But my problem is that I never do well when someone thinks they need to teach me how to behave.  I know how to behave.  I learned that when I was a child.  Am I the only that is offended by this?  Everyone else seems to be getting something out of the class.  It takes way more effort than it should for me to sit through the class.  Remember I said I know how to behave.  What a sad, pathetic case I am because my attitude kept leaking out.  It should not have been that hard for me to sit for one and a half hours listening to the training.  But all I can keep thinking of is all of the other things I could be doing.  Ugghhh!  My attitude sucks.  Again I feel like I have given away all of something....

I find I notice all the negative.  I am judging people and situations with no patience or understanding.  I don't want to open my mouth and only have ugly things come out.  Dang it!  How did I let the crappy part take the lead?  I need find my balance again.  I don't want to quit caring about people around me.  I have to find that balance so that I can help the hateful old man that can't help himself anymore.  So much easier said than done! 
Maybe a vacation would help.  Focus on something that has nothing to do with the ugly side of human nature. There are so many places in Oklahoma that I haven't seen yet.  I feel a need to see and soak up some spring views.  That itch to create has reached a level that is getting hard to ignore.  I need to air out my attitude.  Replace the cold and dark feelings that are clinging to me.  Make room for some joy.  See if I can trade the sour feelings with a sense of wonder.  I want to be somewhere that I can spend hours looking at everything around me. 
I think the battle with my attitude will always be a challenge for me.  I don't want to become one of the hateful souls that I see so much of.  Finding a way to put this in words does help.  It makes me think about things in more detail.  Getting motivated is another challenge.  It isn't easy to keep dusting myself off every time I wake up and notice I have fallen down again.  I know I am weak but I am not ready to give up yet. 
Ha!  I think I just figured out what is missing.  Grace!!  How did I let that happen?  If you see the dust on my backside would you please point out that I missed a spot?

I voted

I almost forgot to vote today.  What better way to describe how sad the choices are.  I was in the middle of cooking dinner when the Hubby asked, "Did you vote".  My response was, "Crap, I forgot all about it"!  No harm, I still had time to go after dinner.
I have no hopes that who I picked will win.  My pick usually comes in last.  I believe that means I don't have a popular opinion. 
I am in such a jaded mood that I haven't written anything in a very long time. 
So I will keep this short and just say......
I voted.