We all want acceptance but we aren't always good at giving it. I don't believe that I am the only one that would like to be accepted the way I am. I realize that I have plenty of faults but I hope that my friends and family accept me anyway. To feel disapproval from the people you love not only hurts but crushes your heart. Family is so very precious to me. I have few that I call friends. They are all the very best of people. I watch them try to do what is right and to not compromise their standards. The important thing to remember is we all have a different standard that we hold ourselves to. We each have lines that we have drawn that we will not cross. I think the lines are drawn from the pain that seems to stay with us and it is not always obvious to even the people closest to us.
An example for me is asking for help. This is still not an easy thing for me to do. As a young single mother I was barely able to take care of us financially. I had a job but it did not pay well. I had no medical insurance and no money for medicine. I went to a large well known charity. The person that I spoke to did not help me. They were horrid. They made me feel like a failure for not being able to do these things for myself. The idiot was even rude enough to point out that if I shared my illness with my children that would be another example of me being a failure. To this day, nor any day, for as long as I breathe, I will NEVER give them a penny of mine. My head knows that this charity is not bad as a whole. But my heart will NOT forget. That is a line that I have drawn that I will not cross. A few years ago the Chief wanted us civilian employees to "step up" and show support for this charity. I informed him that if he ordered me to participate that I would. But if I was ordered that would mean he would have to pay me. I also informed him that I would not give one penny to them. Not a drop of my own gasoline, not a spoonful of flour from my kitchen and not on cent from my check would go to the charity. Thank goodness he did not order me to participate. I couldn't afford to lose my job and I don't know if I would have been able to live with myself if I had helped.
I don't know why that person was "working" at the charity. If they were a volunteer I hope that found a better way to spend their time. There is no telling how many other desperate people walked in the door of that charity and received that same treatment. I was sure desperate and I left in even worse shape. Not only was my body still sick but now my heart was also. I had strep throat and by the time I was able to get medicine I was very ill. My children did also catch it. I was able to find a doctor that did not charge me the full office visit fee and wrote scripts for all of us. It took awhile to recover physically and financially from that. There always seemed to be something like that happening and my budget had no wiggle room. I worked so very hard just trying to make it through each day. Most days were successful. The girls and I were able to make it to work/school, we had food to eat, a roof over our head, and clean clothes. None of this was fancy. The clothes came from thrift stores, the food was mainly starch and the "roof" could be pretty scary sometimes. It was such a rough neighborhood. I don't know how we made it but we did. Thank goodness I didn't have to struggle by myself for long. My husband "rescued" us. Neither one of us had a "pot to piss in" when we met. It took us years before we got better jobs and we were able to have a little wiggle room in our budget.
I watch so many young parents struggle to make ends meet. I see them having to make choices solely because of the lack of money, resources or time. I remind myself to be patient with others. Some days the struggle to just make it through the day is so difficult and the last thing they need is somebody judging them. If they are doing the best that they can who am I to judge them? I watch parents with the best intentions make their children feel unworthy. Not every person needs to have a degree in college and a "important" job to be successful. What do you think this "child" would be able to accomplish if they felt accepted for what they were?
My dreams for my children were not their dreams. I am ok with that. More than anything I want them to know that I love them. That I believe that they are good people. That I have faith that they can accomplish anything that they believe they can do. I accept them for what they are and that there is nothing that could ever make me quit loving them.
An example for me is asking for help. This is still not an easy thing for me to do. As a young single mother I was barely able to take care of us financially. I had a job but it did not pay well. I had no medical insurance and no money for medicine. I went to a large well known charity. The person that I spoke to did not help me. They were horrid. They made me feel like a failure for not being able to do these things for myself. The idiot was even rude enough to point out that if I shared my illness with my children that would be another example of me being a failure. To this day, nor any day, for as long as I breathe, I will NEVER give them a penny of mine. My head knows that this charity is not bad as a whole. But my heart will NOT forget. That is a line that I have drawn that I will not cross. A few years ago the Chief wanted us civilian employees to "step up" and show support for this charity. I informed him that if he ordered me to participate that I would. But if I was ordered that would mean he would have to pay me. I also informed him that I would not give one penny to them. Not a drop of my own gasoline, not a spoonful of flour from my kitchen and not on cent from my check would go to the charity. Thank goodness he did not order me to participate. I couldn't afford to lose my job and I don't know if I would have been able to live with myself if I had helped.
I don't know why that person was "working" at the charity. If they were a volunteer I hope that found a better way to spend their time. There is no telling how many other desperate people walked in the door of that charity and received that same treatment. I was sure desperate and I left in even worse shape. Not only was my body still sick but now my heart was also. I had strep throat and by the time I was able to get medicine I was very ill. My children did also catch it. I was able to find a doctor that did not charge me the full office visit fee and wrote scripts for all of us. It took awhile to recover physically and financially from that. There always seemed to be something like that happening and my budget had no wiggle room. I worked so very hard just trying to make it through each day. Most days were successful. The girls and I were able to make it to work/school, we had food to eat, a roof over our head, and clean clothes. None of this was fancy. The clothes came from thrift stores, the food was mainly starch and the "roof" could be pretty scary sometimes. It was such a rough neighborhood. I don't know how we made it but we did. Thank goodness I didn't have to struggle by myself for long. My husband "rescued" us. Neither one of us had a "pot to piss in" when we met. It took us years before we got better jobs and we were able to have a little wiggle room in our budget.
I watch so many young parents struggle to make ends meet. I see them having to make choices solely because of the lack of money, resources or time. I remind myself to be patient with others. Some days the struggle to just make it through the day is so difficult and the last thing they need is somebody judging them. If they are doing the best that they can who am I to judge them? I watch parents with the best intentions make their children feel unworthy. Not every person needs to have a degree in college and a "important" job to be successful. What do you think this "child" would be able to accomplish if they felt accepted for what they were?
My dreams for my children were not their dreams. I am ok with that. More than anything I want them to know that I love them. That I believe that they are good people. That I have faith that they can accomplish anything that they believe they can do. I accept them for what they are and that there is nothing that could ever make me quit loving them.
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